We have been building on the idea I have always used as a coach, which is that an interaction is either useful or it’s not.
A useful conversation leaves you clear and ready to take action. A conversation that is not useful leaves you muddled and feeling a little paralyzed. A useful dialogue results in your feeling confident and good about yourself. A dialogue that is not useful leaves you with a lingering sense of self doubt.
As a coach, I strive to engage in useful conversations where my clients can say “yes” to three questions.
- Did I feel heard and understood—does my coach really understand who I am and what I am up to?
- Did I learn something—either from the coach or from my own thought process?
- Did I leave the coaching session feeling ready, willing, and able to take the action I committed to?
As a manager, you may want to use this same measure for the conversations you have with your direct reports. How can you be a better listener? How can you promote more self-discovery? How can you provide the direction and support that sets people up to take self-directed action?
Could your conversations be more useful? Challenge your people, hold them to high standards—but never in a way that makes them feel undermined. Try the coach approach.
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