One of my mentors, Stephen Covey, passed away this week. No book, other than the Scriptures, has had a more significant impact on my life than his The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The 7 Habits is more than a business book or a self-help book. It is a book about how to be a better human being in all areas of life. And what made it even more impactful for those who knew Stephen is that he modeled what he taught.
Of all of the seven habits, none has changed my life more than Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. As a husband and father, leader, teacher, and friend, the skill of listening with empathy has not only made me more effective, it has transformed relationships.
Stephen Covey described empathic listening as, “Reflecting what a person feels and says in your own words to their satisfaction so they feel listened to and understood.” It means listening with your whole being—ears, eyes and heart.
When you make the time to truly listen to another person and make sure they know they were heard, you:
- Build trust—I believe nothing builds trust as deeply as truly listening to another person and trying to understand what they are saying and feeling from their perspective.
- Solve the “real” problem—Most of us tend to jump too quickly into problem solving without getting to the “real” problem first. Taking the time to listen for understanding, then reflecting what you have heard and felt, allows the real problem to surface.
- Diffuse feelings—Listening allows the other person to get their feelings out.
- Have greater influence—When the other person feels understood, they are more open to listening to you and you have a greater opportunity to influence them in a positive way.
Stephen Covey will be missed, but his spirit will live on through his books, his teachings, and his personal example. The next time you are dealing with an angry customer, an excited coworker, a troubled friend, or even a happy five year-old child, I encourage you to take the time to listen to their story. It’s a great way to honor Stephen Covey’s memory. You will be amazed by the impact truly listening has on the results, and more importantly, the relationship.
About the author:
John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read John’s posts on the first Monday of every month.
My condolences on the loss of a close friend and mentor. What you mentioned in your tribute hit me between the eyes. I too, have felt that Habit 5 speaks closely to my heart. I have tried to the best of my ability over the years to truly understand and appreciate where others are coming from before I try to be understood. I hope to honor Mr. Covey’s memory by continuing to be the most highly effective person possible!
Pingback: Tribute to Dr Stephen R Covey « Thewazo
Thanks for this tribute. The ‘7 Habits…’ was one of the very first books I read when setting up my own business in 2007 and it had a profound impact on me. Stephen Covey remains a great inspiration. Thank you for honouring his memory in this way.
Indeed, listening with our whole being is so imperative and challenging given the American culture of self-gratification, multi-tasking, self-indulgence and excess stimulus from an array of electronic devices.
Pingback: Are You Living Out of Your Imagination? « The Daily Hottentots
I have this book and audio version of it. It is a life-changing book and everyone that I have discussed the contents of the book with, love it. before I left my job, one of the executives was talking about making it a mandatory reading for the entire leadership team. That’s cool but the entire management team should have to read because they need it more than the leaders do. Thanks for sharing!
Pingback: The Power of Really Listening: A tribute to Stephen Covey | UpSearchCoach
Reblogged this on Mindful Leadership & Strategic Communication.
Pingback: Stephen Covey’s Legacy – One Thing | slightly insightful
Pingback: This Week’s Great Links -
Stephen Covey’s teachings transformed my life. I became a 7 Habits Facilitator and the power of the 7 Habits has transformed many lives. Stephen Covey’s memory and spirit will be amongst us forever who had the privilege of knowing him, and being mentored by him. He truly taught through modeling. May he rest in peace. Thanks for sharing your tribute to a real treasure of a person. Aida Ganddini
I agree with your thoughts on what a great teacher Covey was. His unique humble and articulate appoach to sharing insight with others is rare.
My hope are those people who studied under him will go out into this world and make a positive contribution we so very much need in this independent vs. inter-dependent world.
We will miss him.
Pingback: Pondering: Listening | Cliopatra's Writings
Pingback: Talk Less, Communicate More - OnCourt OffCourt Blog