Blanchard LeaderChat

When it comes to building trust through performance evaluations, do you “meet expectations?” As we near the end of the year, many leaders are busy preparing and conducting annual performance reviews for their employees. I don’t know of too many leaders who are overjoyed at the prospect of spending hours compiling data, completing forms, and writing evaluations for their team members. Most leaders I speak to look at performance reviews as a tedious and mandatory chore they’re obligated to complete and they can’t wait to have the review meeting, deliver the feedback as quickly and painlessly possible, and get on with their “real” work.

With that kind of attitude, it’s no wonder why performance reviews are a dreaded event, both from the supervisor’s and employee’s perspective! The reality is that performance reviews are one-of-a-kind opportunities for leaders to build trust and commitment with their followers. Having the right supporting processes and systems in place are helpful, but regardless of your organization’s approach to performance management, you can build trust with your team members by doing these four things:

1. Deliver candid feedback with care – One of the biggest mistakes you can make as a leader is to sugarcoat your feedback to an employee. Your employees deserve honest and sincere feedback about how they’re performing so that they have the opportunity to improve, otherwise you are handicapping them and limiting the capabilities of your organization by accepting sub-par performance. Unfortunately, many employees don’t hear about their poor performance until the situation has become critical and they’re put on a performance improvement plan. A look back through their personnel file reveals a series of performance reviews where they’ve met standards and suddenly they’re surprised with this bad news. There shouldn’t be any surprises in a performance review. Through regular conversations during the year, the employee should have received regular feedback about how they’re performing relative to their goals and competencies of their role. I think most people know if they aren’t performing up to snuff. Your people will trust and respect you more if you’re honest with them about their performance.

2. Listen – Don’t do all the talking during the performance review. Yes, you have to review their performance and deliver feedback, but you should also take the time to ask your employees how they felt about their performance. Ask open-ended questions like: “What did you learn this year?” “What would you do differently?” “What did you feel were your biggest successes?” Soliciting the thoughts and opinions of your employees sends the message that you care about what they think and that you don’t assume you have all the answers. You’ll learn valuable insights about what makes your people tick and you can use that information to help plan their future performance. Lending a listening ear is a great way to build trust.

3. Focus on the future – Wait…aren’t performance reviews about reviewing the past? Yes, they are, but in my opinion the real bang for the buck is using that information to focus on growth and development opportunities for your people. Learning from the past is essential, but it’s only valuable if we apply it to the future. What training or education is needed? What are some new stretch goals that can be established? In what ways can the employee leverage his/her strengths with new opportunities? Demonstrating to your employees that you are committed to their career growth builds trust in your leadership and commitment to the organization. Don’t miss this valuable opportunity by solely focusing on the past!

4. Ask for feedback on your leadership – I’m not suggesting you shift the spotlight from your employees to yourself and hijack their review in order to feed your ego, but I am suggesting you ask them two simple questions: “Am I providing you the right amount of direction and support on your goals/tasks?” and “Is there anything I should do more or less of next year to help you succeed?” One of your primary goals as a leader is to accomplish work through others. Their performance is a reflection of your skill as a leader so it’s only appropriate that you use this time to recalibrate the leadership style(s) you’ve been providing. It may come as a surprise, but have you thought that the reason why your people aren’t achieving their goals is because you’re not leading them properly? Make sure that’s not the case and get feedback on how you’re doing. Asking for (and graciously receiving) feedback from others is a trust-boosting behavior.

Performance reviews don’t have to be a painful, tedious, mundane task. If you approach them with the right mindset, they can be prime opportunities to build trust with your followers which in turn will help them, and you, to not only meet expectations but exceed them!

This is one in a series of LeaderChat articles on the topic of trust by Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. For more insights on trust, visit the Leading with Trust blog or follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley.

WD-40 CEO Garry Ridge and best-selling author Ken Blanchard got some eye-opening responses to questions they asked in a recent webinar.  They were sharing some of the key points from their book Helping People Win at Work, and as a part of their presentation they conducted a survey with their audience.  They wanted to find out how attendees felt about the performance management process in place at their organization and how it was impacting culture and performance.

To get at that, they shared five key questions from WD-40’s annual engagement survey and asked the audience how many of these statements they would personally agree and/or strongly agree with.  Here are the questions (and the percentages of positive responses.)  See how this stacks up with your experience.

In my organization/company…

1. I am treated with dignity and respect. (78% agree/strongly agree)
2. Employees work passionately toward the success of the organization. (52% agree/strongly agree)
3. I am allowed the freedom to openly discuss an alternative point of view concerning issues at our company/organization with my supervisor. (71% agree/strongly agree)
4. My supervisor respects me. (77% agree/strongly agree)
5. I know what results are expected of me. (68% agree/strongly agree)

Then Ken Blanchard asked one additional question to highlight the connection between performance management and culture.  After the initial results were shared, he asked, “Do you believe that you, as an employee, benefitted from your last review with your supervisor?”

Over 58% of the 500 people in attendance said “no”.

Blanchard and Ridge used this final question as a springboard to share their thoughts on what makes up a successful performance management system for employees.  They identified three key components.

1. Clear, agreed-upon goals.
2. Consistent day-to-day coaching designed to help people succeed.
3. No surprises at performance review.

The core of their message was that it’s all about trust and respect.  Organizations that treat people as valued team members by taking the time to structure jobs their properly, provide direction and support as needed, and focus more on helping people succeed instead of evaluating them, are the ones that create engaging work cultures that bring out the best in people.

What’s possible?

But does it work?  That’s where Garry Ridge’s experience at WD-40 really caught my attention.  After working at this for the past 10 years, Ridge answers, “absolutely” and he has the numbers to back it up.

Check out these responses from WD-40’s most recent survey on the same questions Ken Blanchard asked the audience.

1. At WD-40 Company I am treated with dignity and respect. (98.7% agree/strongly agree)
2. Employees at WD-40 Company work passionately towards the success of the organization. (98.6% agree/strongly agree)
3. I am allowed the freedom to openly discuss an alternative point of view concerning issues at WD-40 Company with my supervisor. (98.3% agree/strongly agree)
4. My supervisor respects me. (98.0% agree/strongly agree)
5. I know what results are expected of me. (97.7% agree/strongly agree)

The numbers at WD-40 are at least 20 points higher in all categories and an eye-popping 46-points above the audience survey response when it comes to question number two, “Employees at WD-40 Company work passionately towards the success of the organization.”

Ridge also has the bottom-line impact numbers you’d expect with the company experiencing consistent growth over the time period and record sales for the most recent fiscal year.

How about your organization?

Strong performance management is a basic key to success but its implementation is very uneven in today’s organizations.  Some companies have strong processes in place while others leave it up to the discretion of the individual manager. 

What’s your company’s approach to performance management?  How is it working? 

If you could use a more consistent, proven approach, check out the process that Blanchard and Ridge suggest in their book Helping People Win at Work.  It can be implemented at any level in an organization.  To see the complete presentation Blanchard and Ridge conducted check out the webinar recording posted up at Training Industry by clicking on this link.

Good performance management is a basic to better performance.  Don’t let an uneven approach create inconsistent results.  Your people deserve better.  Conduct a performance review of your performance management system today.

We all know the saying “If you want something done, give it to a busy person.” It’s sound advice—but it’s also a dangerous habit unless you step back occasionally to see what impact it might be having on the busy person’s experience at work. For most managers, having a “go to” person is a great asset. Just make sure you don’t overdo it by going to the same person again and again.

This is a dilemma for most managers according to Scott Blanchard in a recent blog post for Fast Company magazine.  Blanchard explains that it is only natural to assign tasks to the most accomplished people on your team. The challenge is to balance a short-term need for immediate results with a long-term view for the growth and development of your people.

Finding the perfect balance

Drawing on some of the core concepts from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Blanchard explains that managers need to balance routine work that is easily accomplished with challenging new tasks that provide variety.

How can managers find the right balance?  Here are three strategies that Blanchard recommends:

• Become more aware of your goal-setting habits.  Have you optimized the challenge inherent in each person’s goals or tasks, or have you fallen into the habit of overusing and under-challenging your best people? Have you focused more on your own needs instead of theirs by giving them routine work you know they can accomplish successfully with little intervention on your part?
• Focus on both the long and short term.  Manage the urge to assign a task to a proven winner to ensure quick completion versus assigning the same task to someone who is brand new and may require some direction and support. But don’t go overboard. You don’t want to focus solely on employee development and compromise organizational effectiveness. Balance is the key.
• Create variety for yourself and others. According to Warren Bennis, the most effective managers are the ones who actively engage in clear periods of reflection as well as action. Balancing task variety is one of those projects that requires some discipline and awareness to think through.

Blanchard also reminds readers that most people become bored because they’re doing boring tasks—not because of a character flaw. Instead of moving away from a person you might see as a complainer, see that person instead as someone who is not really “in flow” and work with him or her to find out what the right mix could be. It’s a management basic that creates the long and short term impact that works best.

PS: To read more of Blanchard’s thinking on creating the right mix in your work environment, check out, Helping Your Employees Find Their “Flow” at Fast Company.

Get it right on the inside and you’ll get it right on the outside.  That’s good advice that is rarely followed in today’s management literature.  Instead there seems to be a focus on just getting it right on the outside.  This can work, but it’s probably leaving your direct reports feeling a little empty at best—or distrusting at worst.

When leaders focus only on their behaviors and outside appearances, they are presenting a thin veneer of leadership that can work for a short while, but which eventually breaks down—especially under pressure. 

Wondering how you can get it right on the inside instead of working so hard to act in a prescribed way on the outside?  Here are some ways to get started.  These are based on answers to the question, “Who was your best boss?” and “What made them so special?” that Blanchard consultants have been asking in classes and presentations over the years.

See people as assets to develop instead of liabilities to manage.  Good leadership begins with a fundamental belief in people and the value that they can bring to a company.  Where do you stand on this?  Do you focus on people’s strengths and how to maximize them, or do you tend to focus on weaknesses and how to correct them?  How does that impact your leadership behaviors?

Assume the best.  People have good days and bad days.  They make mistakes, exhibit poor judgment, and sometimes let you down.  How do you react to these situations?  What is the story that you are telling yourself about their actions?  Are you assuming they had good intentions and just fell short, or does this just go to show that you were right about them all along? Your resulting leadership behavior will be very different depending on your mindset.   

See yourself as a leader instead of as an evaluator.  Part of leadership is matching skill sets to the overall goals of the organization.  The ability to discern talent and apply it effectively is an important quality.  But don’t make that the sole focus of your leadership.  Instead, go beyond getting the right people in the right positions and actively work to help them succeed in their roles.  See their success as a partnership between you and them.  When people sense that you are on their side, helping them to succeed, they act and perform very differently than if they feel that you are primarily judging and evaluating them.

Beliefs and attitudes drive your behaviors.  In today’s open and connected world, you have to be genuine and authentic.  Leaders who get it right on the inside naturally display genuine behaviors on the outside that people respond to.  Take a look at your leadership beliefs.  Work on the inside first.

October 31 is Halloween Day in the United States, a time when people of all ages dress up as different characters—some heroic, some funny, some scary.  Along with the latest popular celebrities from movies, television, and popular culture, you’re sure to see some classic monster characters from the past. 

The only problem is that some of these characters don’t disappear on the day after Halloween.  Instead, they continue to haunt and torment people in workplaces everywhere.  See if you recognize some of these personalities working in your organization.  See anyone familiar?

• Frankenstein’s Monster: Functioning at a basic level. Has all of the pieces, but missing the emotional intelligence to function successfully in the work environment.
• Dracula the Vampire: Vain, self-absorbed, and elitist.  Operates in their own sub-culture, focused mostly on their own needs.   Uses people.  Sucks the life out of everyone around them.
• The Mummy: Mostly asleep. Spends most of their time unaware of what’s going on, but once you disturb them, or slight them in some way, watch out.
• Wicked Witch: Always plotting and concocting schemes.  Spends most of their time engaged in office politics and manipulating things behind the scenes.
• Werewolf: Generally destructive.  Given to emotional outbursts.  Unable to control urges. Often acts without thinking.

While these labels are seasonal, the behaviors behind them are not. If you report to one of these personality types it can be especially challenging.

If you are currently dealing with a personality like this in your work environment, authors Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster of Working With You Is Killing Me have a great four step “unhooking” process that can help you deal with monstrous behavior. Here’s their advice from an interview with Good Morning America:

Unhook physically: Release unwanted negative energy so that you can see your situation more clearly. For example, you come out of a business meeting feeling upset because your boss unfairly bashed you in front of your peers. You know you need to cool down. You look at your options. If you can grab a brisk five-minute walk outside, you go for it. If you can’t go outside, you go to the bathroom, splash your face with cold water, and BREATHE. When you’re in a distressed physical state, the last thing you want to do is calm down, but the fact is that if you want to change your life at work, you have to focus on relaxing physically first.

Unhook mentally: Unhooking mentally is the internal version of talking yourself down off the ledge. It involves looking at your difficult situation from a fresh perspective. Start with a quick inventory of the situation:

• What’s happening here?
• What are the facts of the situation?
• What’s their part?
• What’s my part?
• What are my options?

Unhook verbally: Verbal unhooking involves finding ways to say no without jeopardizing your job, speaking up when you feel overlooked, or tolerating your boss’s temporary silence immediately after you ask for a raise. To unhook verbally, you must be willing to focus on your overall goal in any situation rather than staying stuck in the petty details. It’s a high-road approach to communicating. The goal is to express your ideas and convey information in a manner that resolves problems rather than perpetuating them. High-road communication contains no judgment, no anger, and no accusations. It includes taking responsibility for your side of the situation.

 Unhook with a business tool: A business tool is any standard procedure or written document used in a business setting. It includes contracts, timesheets, job descriptions, memos, performance reviews, company policies and procedures, and other forms of documentation. Business tools help depersonalize challenging situations by providing objective ways to track events and measure performance. To unhook, survey the business tools available to you and identify which ones can help improve your situation.

Don’t let a boss’s bad behavior keep you from being productive at work. To learn more about the unhooking process, be sure to check out more information about  Working With You Is Killing Me here.

We’ve all been there.  A team member’s performance is slipping and needs to be addressed.  Before you set up a meeting to discuss the situation, here are a couple of questions to ask yourself:

1. How clear were you with expectations?  Don’t expect an accountability conversation to go well if there is any fuzziness about what the goals were.  If you have concerns, use the time to re-clarify expectations.
2. How is your relationship with the team member?  The right to be candid with a person about their performance is the byproduct of a strong working relationship featuring frequent conversations.  If your relationship has been more of a “no news is good news” relationship in the past, shore that up first.

If you are feeling good about where you stand with these first two questions, congratulations—this meeting should go well.  (I’m also guessing that your good work in these first two areas means you don’t have to have many of these types of conversations in the first place!) 

Now, there are just a few more finer points to consider when delivering potentially sensitive feedback.

• Only give feedback on behaviors that can be changed (not on traits or personality).  Feedback works best when it is focused on behaviors instead of personality traits.  You shouldn’t be asking your people to make personality changes like,  ”be more extroverted, or more feeling, or less linear in your thinking.”  Instead, focus on the things you see someone doing, or the things you hear someone saying. 
• Remember that people are okay—it’s just their behavior that is a problem sometimes. As a manager you need to separate the behavior from the person.  Don’t be judgmental.  Keep the focus on the behavior that needs to change. Say what needs to be said and let it sink in.  Then reaffirm the person and move on with expectations that behavior will change and that the person is up to the challenge.
• Help employees monitor their own behavior going forward.   Whenever possible, you want people to learn how to monitor their own behavior.  Teach them how to solicit feedback and be “participant observers” in their interactions with others.  Your goal is to help employees become self sufficient. You don’t want to create a dependent relationship where they are constantly looking for you to tell them how they are doing.

Providing feedback is one of the key ways that managers can improve performance and make things better at work. Don’t avoid feedback—even negative feedback. Done well, it will actually enhance your relationships at work. People will know you care and that their work is important.

PS: If you’d like to learn more about the finer points of delivering effective feedback, be sure to join The Ken Blanchard Companies for a free webinar on October 19.  That’s when senior consulting partner Phil Reynolds will be speaking on How to Deliver Feedback in a Way that Gets Results.  (Over 2,000 people are registered!) Click here for details.

Competent leaders build trust with their followers. Leaders can be experts in their particular field of technical expertise, but if they aren’t competent in the skills of leadership, followers will lack trust and confidence in their ability to lead the team to success.

A friend and former colleague, Danise DiStasi, has recently co-authored a book with J. Ford Taylor that provides a helpful model for leadership success. In The Hike – The Missing Link to Transformational Leadership, DiStasi and Ford share the story of a struggling corporate executive, Stuart, who discovers new personal and leadership insights that turn his life around while on a weekend hike in the mountains. Part of what Stuart learns is the V-STTEELE model, a tool to build leadership competence which in turn builds trust with others.

Vision – Developing and communicating a vision is a foundational role for successful leaders. It’s easy to get twisted up in the distinctions between vision and mission statements, but suffice it to say that a vision is a compelling picture of the future that describes the destination the team is trying to reach, the purpose of why the team exists, and the values the team will use to carry out their work. Casting a clear vision answers the “why?” question of what leaders do.

Serve – Some people hear the words “serve” or “servant leadership” and mistakenly associate them with concepts of weak, mamby-pamby, touchy-feely leadership. Servant leadership is quite the opposite. Servant Leaders are committed to serving the best interests of their people and organizations by teaching, training, equipping, and empowering team members to be the best they can be. Ken Blanchard says it’s turning the organizational pyramid upside down where leaders serve the needs of others rather than being served.

Teach – Teaching is one way that leaders serve others. All successful people have reached their station in life due to the efforts of others teaching them along the way. Great leaders understand that their success is perpetuated by teaching others how to be successful. Teaching is an ongoing process where leaders impart knowledge to others by their example or by guiding the development of the follower, perhaps through a mentoring relationship.

Train – Successful leaders develop others by providing training and skill development to be successful in their roles. As opposed to teaching, training is more short-term focused on specific skills, projects, or goals that a person needs to learn or accomplish. Providing specific direction on a task by showing and telling how it should be done are primary ways leaders train others.

Equip – Equipping others involves providing the tools, knowledge, training, time, money, and other resources for your team members to succeed. I’m sure you can think of your own personal experience where you’ve been asked to complete a task or goal but haven’t been given the resources to do so. Without properly equipping your people, you hamstring them from success.

Empower – Just like the word “serve,” empowerment has gotten a bum rap over the years. We shouldn’t let that distract us from the fundamental value of the concept which has resurfaced in different contexts lately. Daniel Pink’s best seller, Drive, is essentially about empowerment. According to Pink, you unleash someone’s inner drive or motivation (i.e., help them be self-empowered) by providing them autonomy, mastery, and purpose in their roles. Successful leaders empower (literally “invest with power”) their team members to do what they were hired to do.

Let Go – At some point leaders have to relinquish control and let their people work on their own. I remember teaching my oldest son how to ride a bike, running alongside him while holding on to the seat to help him balance, and then that scary moment of finally letting go to let him ride on his own. Letting go as a leader means trusting your people to do the right thing. If you’ve done a good job in serving them by teaching, training, equipping, and empowering, then you can let go with confidence.

Evaluate – Everyone needs effective feedback, both positive and corrective, to help them improve their performance. Leaders build trust with their followers when they learn to communicate effectively, are candid yet caring, provide reward and recognition, and create a culture where mistakes are viewed as opportunities to learn rather than reasons to punish.

Trust is the foundation of all successful relationships and one of the core elements of trust is the demonstration of competence. Leaders can build competence and trust by using the V-STTEELE model to live out their leadership purpose.

This is one in a series of LeaderChat articles on the topic of trust by Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. For more insights on trust, visit the Leading with Trust blog or follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley.

In a recent blog post, Gen Y: The Doom of Middle Managers? Entry-Level Rebel Jessica Stillman points to data that suggests Gen Y workers might not need traditional middle managers. 

Why? 

Changes in technology, attitudes, and the nature of work eliminate the need for supervisors who only see their job as telling people what to do and then evaluating performance at an annual review.

If that is what’s happening in your organization, consider asking senior leadership to create a higher standard for managers.  Setting goals and conducting performance reviews are just the beginning of a middle manager’s job.  Their real value is in their ability to access resources, remove obstacles, and provide day-to-day coaching for the people who report to them. 

If your manager is not providing you with the support that you need to succeed, here are three things to ask for (and a proven way on how to ask for it.)

What to ask for

1. A clear sense of how your job impacts key departmental goals. Everyone needs to know that their work is meaningful and to have some clear alignment between what they do and what the organization is trying to accomplish.  If you can’t point to a key departmental objective and how your work is impacting it, you do not have the alignment that should be in place.
2. A well defined job that includes some routine and some challenging tasks. In a healthy work environment, you will typically have 3-5 goals that you need to accomplish.  If your job is structured properly, some of those tasks will be very achievable with your present skills while others are more of a stretch that you cannot accomplish with your current skill set and resources. This mix is an essential component of a satisfying job that also encourages career growth.
3. A clear agreement with your boss about where you are at and what you need to succeed.  For tasks where you are self sufficient you need an agreement with your boss to give you the autonomy you deserve to accomplish the task as you see fit.  No one likes being micromanaged on tasks they are capable of achieving on their own.  For tasks that are beyond your current skill level and immediate resources, you need an agreement for the direction and support that will help you access the budget, training, and expertise you need to get the job done.

How to ask for it

• Use “I need” statements.  One of the most powerful ways you can get the help you need to accomplish your work goals is to use “I need” statements.  For example, “In order to process customer orders more efficiently, I need a higher level of access into our customer database,” or “In order to create the type of social media campaign and metrics that we are talking about, I need some additional training.”  For best results, pair any “I need” statement with three possible solutions.  Very few bosses will turn down this type of request—especially when it is in pursuit of legitimate departmental goals.

A good middle manager or front line supervisor takes strategic directives and turns them into results.  Is that the role your immediate manager is playing?  If not, expect more.  Use “I need” statements to make sure that your job is aligned,  that you have a mix of routine and stretch goals, and that you have an immediate supervisor committed to helping you access the resources you need to succeed.

Good middle managers will never be obsolete.  That distinction is only reserved for managers who see their role as assigning tasks and evaluating others.  That truly is obsolete, not just for the next generation of employees, but for all employees.

“One of the big challenges for new managers is learning to recognize and appreciate that not everyone approaches work the same way that they do. Some of the most dangerous words for a leader to use are, ‘Well, if it were me, this is what I would do.’ When we do that, it keeps us from understanding, embracing, and working successfully with other people’s behavior,” says Ann Phillips, a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.

In a recent article entitled Top Challenges for New Managers, Phillips explains that many people are promoted into managerial positions because they were great individual contributors. Because they had so much success with a certain way of working—be it strong planning or attention to detail or great execution skills—they may have a difficult time understanding that other people don’t necessarily work that way.

For these managers (and others who may be new to leading others) Phillips identifies three additional challenges:

Doing the work yourself. It’s not easy for new managers to let go and trust that the work will get done without their direct intervention. When things don’t work out as planned—or are taking longer than expected, new managers tend to step in and do the work themselves rather than work through the process and learn how to let others run with the ball.

Not setting clear roles and goals. This is especially challenging for new managers who have been promoted from a group of their peers.

“Managers need to walk a fine line,” explains Phillips. “You want to maintain the relationship, but you have to separate yourself so people see you no longer as a peer, but instead in your new role as a manager.

“All good performance begins with clear goals and all good relationships begin with clear roles. If a manager is promoted out of their peer group, they need to sit down with their former coworkers and talk about how their roles have changed. ‘Here is how I am going to behave differently and here is what I expect in return.’ Otherwise there are always misunderstandings and surprises.”

Balancing accountability and caring. Sometimes new managers think you have to choose between people and performance.  Phillips recommends that new managers balance high expectations with equally high levels of support and caring.

“People need to know that you have their best interests in mind, that you are setting them up to win, and that you mean them no harm. Things are always going to come up. When people know that you truly care, that can cover a lot of situations and people will forgive your mistakes and continue to follow you.”

To learn more about Phillips’ advice for new managers, read Top Challenges for New Managers here.  Also, check out a free webinar that Phillips is conducting on September 22, A Primer for New Managers: Respect, Trust, and Accountability. It’s a free event courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.

Whether you’re delivering a difficult message, giving tough performance feedback, or confronting insensitive behavior, handling a challenging conversation can strike fear and trepidation in the heart of a leader. If handled with skill and care, these situations are prime opportunities for leaders to build trust with those they lead.

The SPEAK model is a helpful tool to navigate challenging conversations.

S – State your concerns directly. Speak in private and face-to-face whenever possible and use “I” language to voice your concerns, thoughts, and feelings about the situation. A common myth about handling challenging conversations is that you should be objective and only stick to the facts. While you certainly want to be factual, you also need to share your feelings, without blame, so the other party understands the impact of the situation. Don’t make sarcastic or belittling remarks and be sure to share the consequences if the issue isn’t resolved. How it sounds: “Since we missed our deadline, I’m concerned that we may not meet our project goals.”

P – Probe for information to gain deeper understanding. Talk with an open and interested tone of voice and use open-ended questions to probe for more information to help you understand behavior that may seem incomprehensible. Pause long enough to give the person time to respond and listen with the intent to understand and be influenced by her point of view. How it sounds: “I’m confused about why we missed the deadline. Can you tell me more about what you thought our agreements were?”

E – Engage each other through whole-hearted listening. Be mentally present and intentional about listening. When people feel fully heard, they are more open to creative solutions, alternatives can be explored, wounds healed, and defensiveness lowered. Paraphrase to make sure you’ve heard and understood correctly and be sure to reflect the person’s feelings and values. How it sounds: “So you are saying that when I spoke with you about your performance that I was not clear about your goals and responsibilities?”

A – Attend to body language. Make sure that your body language matches your words. Sometimes leaders force themselves to be too relaxed when the situation is actually quite serious and that sends confusing signals to the other person. Pay attention to the other person’s body language and challenge inconsistent verbal and non-verbal messages with “I” statements. How it sounds: “I’m confused. I hear you saying that you think we don’t have a problem, yet I notice you sitting in a way that I’m interpreting as being angry.”

K – Keep forward-focused when possible. Once past issues have been addressed and the air cleared, focus the conversation on what each of you are going to do moving forward. Ask directly if the other person is ready to move forward, and if she isn’t, return to step E to explore any other issues or concerns that may be unresolved. How it sounds: “From my perspective, we have cleared up past misunderstandings. I am ready to move forward if you are. Is there anything on your end that we have not addressed yet?”

Working through difficult situations is an opportunity for leaders to build trust. It’s during these times that followers can feel most vulnerable to leaders because of the disparity of power in the relationship. Leaders who use their power in the service of others by demonstrating care and concern in handling challenging conversations will increase engagement, commitment, and trust with those they lead.

This is one in a series of LeaderChat articles on the topic of trust by Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. For more insights on trust, visit the Leading with Trust blog or follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley.