Blanchard LeaderChat

It’s easy for leaders to fall into the trap of thinking they need to have the answer to every problem or situation that arises. After all, that’s in a leader’s job description, right? Solve problems, make decisions, have answers…that’s what we do! Why listen to others when you already know everything?

Good leaders know they don’t have all the answers. They spend time listening to the ideas, feedback, and thoughts of their people, and they incorporate that information into the decisions and plans they make. When a person feels listened to, it builds trust, loyalty, and commitment in the relationship. Here are some tips for building trust by improving the way you listen:

• Don’t interrupt – It’s rude and disrespectful to the person you’re speaking with and it conveys the attitude, whether you mean it or not, that what you have to say is more important than what he or she is saying.
• Make sure you understand – Ask clarifying questions and paraphrase to ensure that you understand what the person is trying to communicate. Generous and empathetic listening is a key part of Habit #5 - Seek first to understand, then to be understood – of Covey’s famous Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
• Learn each person’s story - The successes, failures, joys, and sorrows that we experience in life weave together to form our “story.” Our story influences the way we relate to others, and when a leader takes time to understand the stories of his followers, he has a much better perspective and understanding of  their motivations. Chick-fil-a uses an excellent video in their training programs that serves as a powerful reminder of this truth.
• Stay in the moment – It’s easy to be distracted in conversations. You’re thinking about the next meeting you have to run to, the pressing deadline you’re up against, or even what you need to pick up at the grocery store on the way home from work! Important things all, but they distract you from truly being present and fully invested in the conversation. Take notes and practice active listening to stay engaged.

My grandpa was fond of saying “The Lord gave you two ears and one mouth. Use them in that proportion.” Leaders can take a step forward in building trust with those they lead by speaking less and listening more. You might be surprised at what you learn!

This is one in a series of LeaderChat articles on the topic of trust by Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. For more insights on trust, visit the Leading with Trust blog or follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley.

We’ve all been there.  A team member’s performance is slipping and needs to be addressed.  Before you set up a meeting to discuss the situation, here are a couple of questions to ask yourself:

1. How clear were you with expectations?  Don’t expect an accountability conversation to go well if there is any fuzziness about what the goals were.  If you have concerns, use the time to re-clarify expectations.
2. How is your relationship with the team member?  The right to be candid with a person about their performance is the byproduct of a strong working relationship featuring frequent conversations.  If your relationship has been more of a “no news is good news” relationship in the past, shore that up first.

If you are feeling good about where you stand with these first two questions, congratulations—this meeting should go well.  (I’m also guessing that your good work in these first two areas means you don’t have to have many of these types of conversations in the first place!) 

Now, there are just a few more finer points to consider when delivering potentially sensitive feedback.

• Only give feedback on behaviors that can be changed (not on traits or personality).  Feedback works best when it is focused on behaviors instead of personality traits.  You shouldn’t be asking your people to make personality changes like,  ”be more extroverted, or more feeling, or less linear in your thinking.”  Instead, focus on the things you see someone doing, or the things you hear someone saying. 
• Remember that people are okay—it’s just their behavior that is a problem sometimes. As a manager you need to separate the behavior from the person.  Don’t be judgmental.  Keep the focus on the behavior that needs to change. Say what needs to be said and let it sink in.  Then reaffirm the person and move on with expectations that behavior will change and that the person is up to the challenge.
• Help employees monitor their own behavior going forward.   Whenever possible, you want people to learn how to monitor their own behavior.  Teach them how to solicit feedback and be “participant observers” in their interactions with others.  Your goal is to help employees become self sufficient. You don’t want to create a dependent relationship where they are constantly looking for you to tell them how they are doing.

Providing feedback is one of the key ways that managers can improve performance and make things better at work. Don’t avoid feedback—even negative feedback. Done well, it will actually enhance your relationships at work. People will know you care and that their work is important.

PS: If you’d like to learn more about the finer points of delivering effective feedback, be sure to join The Ken Blanchard Companies for a free webinar on October 19.  That’s when senior consulting partner Phil Reynolds will be speaking on How to Deliver Feedback in a Way that Gets Results.  (Over 2,000 people are registered!) Click here for details.

Whether you’re delivering a difficult message, giving tough performance feedback, or confronting insensitive behavior, handling a challenging conversation can strike fear and trepidation in the heart of a leader. If handled with skill and care, these situations are prime opportunities for leaders to build trust with those they lead.

The SPEAK model is a helpful tool to navigate challenging conversations.

S – State your concerns directly. Speak in private and face-to-face whenever possible and use “I” language to voice your concerns, thoughts, and feelings about the situation. A common myth about handling challenging conversations is that you should be objective and only stick to the facts. While you certainly want to be factual, you also need to share your feelings, without blame, so the other party understands the impact of the situation. Don’t make sarcastic or belittling remarks and be sure to share the consequences if the issue isn’t resolved. How it sounds: “Since we missed our deadline, I’m concerned that we may not meet our project goals.”

P – Probe for information to gain deeper understanding. Talk with an open and interested tone of voice and use open-ended questions to probe for more information to help you understand behavior that may seem incomprehensible. Pause long enough to give the person time to respond and listen with the intent to understand and be influenced by her point of view. How it sounds: “I’m confused about why we missed the deadline. Can you tell me more about what you thought our agreements were?”

E – Engage each other through whole-hearted listening. Be mentally present and intentional about listening. When people feel fully heard, they are more open to creative solutions, alternatives can be explored, wounds healed, and defensiveness lowered. Paraphrase to make sure you’ve heard and understood correctly and be sure to reflect the person’s feelings and values. How it sounds: “So you are saying that when I spoke with you about your performance that I was not clear about your goals and responsibilities?”

A – Attend to body language. Make sure that your body language matches your words. Sometimes leaders force themselves to be too relaxed when the situation is actually quite serious and that sends confusing signals to the other person. Pay attention to the other person’s body language and challenge inconsistent verbal and non-verbal messages with “I” statements. How it sounds: “I’m confused. I hear you saying that you think we don’t have a problem, yet I notice you sitting in a way that I’m interpreting as being angry.”

K – Keep forward-focused when possible. Once past issues have been addressed and the air cleared, focus the conversation on what each of you are going to do moving forward. Ask directly if the other person is ready to move forward, and if she isn’t, return to step E to explore any other issues or concerns that may be unresolved. How it sounds: “From my perspective, we have cleared up past misunderstandings. I am ready to move forward if you are. Is there anything on your end that we have not addressed yet?”

Working through difficult situations is an opportunity for leaders to build trust. It’s during these times that followers can feel most vulnerable to leaders because of the disparity of power in the relationship. Leaders who use their power in the service of others by demonstrating care and concern in handling challenging conversations will increase engagement, commitment, and trust with those they lead.

This is one in a series of LeaderChat articles on the topic of trust by Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. For more insights on trust, visit the Leading with Trust blog or follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley.

It’s harder than ever to avoid becoming a “seagull manager” these days.  That’s when you fly in, make a lot of noise, dump on everyone, and then fly away again.  It’s a hit-and-run management behavior that’s easy to fall into when you find yourself with too much on your plate and too little time to accomplish it. 

How are you doing with the double challenge of accomplishing your own work while still managing the work performance of others?  If you’re afraid you’re seeing a little seagull behavior in yourself lately, here are three ways to get back on track with a more helpful approach:

1. Make sure you know what your people are working on.  Manager’s shouldn’t be surprised at what their people are working on but this often happens because goals are unclear, or are not in alignment with overall department objectives.  Make sure that everyone in your group has a clear set of 3-5 objectives and that they are mapped to a specific organizational objective.
2. Identify everyone’s development level for their specific tasks. A good group of goals will include tasks that are familiar and routine to an employee plus one or two stretch goals that will require some growth on their part. Review each of your direct report’s goals.  Which tasks can they easily accomplish on their own—and which tasks will they need help with?  Their development level on each task will determine the proper amount of input you’ll need to provide.
3. Schedule regular meeting time.  A weekly check-in for 20-30 minutes can do wonders for putting out all of the small daily brush fires that occur before they turn into raging infernos.  A little bit of structured time to review how your people are doing in each of their key areas is a great way to get started.   Don’t turn this into a weekly evaluation though.  Let the employee guide the conversation.  The idea here is to create a safe space for employee’s to ask for help when needed.

Even when people work together in the same building, it is still surprising to see how little conversation can occur between managers and their direct reports.  With today’s increased workload, it is often easier to keep your head down and your door closed.  Don’t let that happen to you and your people.  Schedule some time to meet with your direct reports on a regular basis.  It can save a lot of screeching and wing-flapping later on.

There’s an old saying that, “People don’t really care what you know, until they know you care.”  This is good advice for leaders who often get caught up and lose focus while dealing with all of the performance pressures at work.  Sometimes it feels like you have to choose between focusing on people or focusing on performance.  This is a false dilemma.  As Ken Blanchard has advised over the years, the best leaders focus on both people and results at the same time. 

In case you’ve gotten off- track with this, here’s a short acronym to help you remember to stop and take the time to show that you CARE about the people you work with, and who report to you.

Connect. Take the time to lift your nose from the grindstone today and check in with your people.  How’s it going?  What’s happening in their life?  What are they excited about?  You might be surprised at how long it’s been since you checked in, or how much has changed in their lives.  Take a minute to reconnect.

Acknowledge. Listen to what people are telling you.  Truly hear what they are saying.  As a leader, it’s easy to get caught up in telling instead of listening.  How are your people doing on their tasks and key responsibility areas?  Chances are that they are just as busy as you are.  Take a minute to acknowledge the work they are doing and the effort they are putting into it.

Respect—the skills, effort, challenges, and needs that your people have.  What are their strengths?  What challenges are they facing? Where do they need help?  What can you do to help them succeed?  Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that your primary job is to evaluate performance.  As a leader, your primary job is to help your people succeed.

Encourage.  Everyone can use a kind word, a pat on the back, and a word of encouragement.  Who in your group has been up against it, fighting fires, chasing deadlines, and making sure that things get done?  Who seems burnt, or worn out, from all the work they’ve had to accomplish? Take a minute to show your appreciation, offer some encouragement, and let them know that you appreciate what they’ve been doing.

In today’s hectic work environment, it’s easy to neglect the people side of work.  Don’t let that happen to you.  Relationships are an important ingredient to an engaging work environment.  If you’ve been out of touch lately, use these four practices to reconnect and show people you care.

Whether the topic is delivering a difficult message, giving tough performance feedback, or confronting insensitive behavior, managers need to step into their “uncomfortableness” explains  Eryn Kalish, mediator, conflict resolution expert, and co-author of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Challenging Conversations program.

“Many people have been taught to avoid or gloss over difficult issues,” explains Kalish. “Sometimes they are afraid that if they have these conversations they will make the situation worse. So managers will often avoid confronting situations hoping that by suppressing or ignoring the ‘negative’ feelings and thoughts that they will somehow go away. But it rarely gets better on its own.”

To help improve their skills in dealing with challenging conversations, Kalish teaches managers how to SPEAK up without alienating the other person.

• State concerns directly. Don’t alienate the other person, but get at the essence of what needs to be discussed.
• Probe for more information to gain a deeper understanding. Gently, but firmly, probe and learn more about the situation.
• Engage others through whole-hearted listening. Listen to the other person’s responses, even when it is uncomfortable. Learn how to work with your reactions so that you can focus and understand what the other person is saying.
• Attend to body language. Pay attention to body language and be able to spot discrepancies between what you are hearing and what you are seeing. How many times have you been sitting in a meeting when somebody said everything was fine but his or her body language was saying that it is clearly not? Avoid the temptation to say, “Oh, good, everything is ok. Let’s move on.”
• Keep forward focused, but only when the other person is ready to move forward. Resist the urge to move forward prematurely. In challenging conversations the real issues often don’t come to light at first.  Read more…

The title of this post comes from a conversation I had with my wife a couple of years ago.  One of those conversations that can only be understood by others who have been in a close relationship with another person for 20+ years. 

It was about this time a couple of years ago and I was working on getting in shape.  I had bought a couple of books on nutrition, some new running shoes and workout clothes, and I had printed off some recommended exercise routines with space to chart my progress.   With every purchase I made, I explained to my wife how this book would help me eat better, how this exercise would impact this certain muscle group, and how this equipment would speed up the process. All through January I studied and read and researched my subject until I knew exactly what I needed to do to get back in shape. 

Once I had learned everything, it was time to put all that information into action.  I wasn’t quite as gung ho about this part of the process.  In February I only went to the gym a couple of times and by March I was going only once a week (if it worked out with my schedule.)

My wife was good natured about all of this until we were visiting my parents toward the end of the month.  My dad and I were talking about health and exercise when the topic of yoga came up.  I explained to my dad that I was incorporating yoga into my exercise routine.  My dad shared that he got great benefit from alternate nostril breathing and practicing the cobra position while watching TV.  As my wife watched the two of us drinking beer, eating chips, and talking about the benefits of yoga she had finally had enough.  She asked both of us to lift our shirts so she could see the results of all of our yoga training.  Considering that we were both about 20 pounds overweight at the time and with most of it settled into generous spare tires around our midsections, we looked at each other sheepishly and politely declined.    It was a good reminder that knowing and doing are two different things.

Since then, “Lift up your shirt,” has been a fun reminder in our family to move beyond talking to actually doing something different.  Knowing what to do is an important first step, but actually changing your behavior is where you need to get to.

Are you ready to get started on putting your good intentions to work?  Here are three tips to help you along the way:

1. Decide on what you want.  This all about goal setting.  Since this is a leadership focused blog, let’s use a leadership skill example.  Listening is a skill many executives want to get better at.  Find a good model and stick with it.  In this case, we can use the EAR model—explore what the other person is saying, acknowledge you heard what they said by paraphrasing, and then respond in your normal fashion.
2. Put it into practice. In as many conversations as possible, start to use and practice the new skill you want to develop.  At this stage remember to be easy on yourself. Maintain your humor and esteem while learning.
3. Emotionalize only the good.  You are going to have good days and bad days.  The key is to “catch yourself doing things right” as often as possible while you are developing your new skill.

Changing behavior is difficult.  But if you focus on a couple of key things, practice them on a regular basis, and are easy on yourself along the way, you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish.

Are you ready for Open Leadership? That’s the question that Charlene Li asks in her book, Open Leadership: How social technology can transform the way you lead. A major theme in the book is that leadership is about relationships, and because social technologies are changing relationships, leadership also needs to change. And while most executives understand the importance of listening and drawing out the best from their people, a majority of leaders are still focused on maintaining control.

One of the biggest reasons why open leadership is feared and avoided is a concern that open leadership may lead to a lack of control. But in her book, Li explains that openness and control are not an either/or proposition. In fact, it requires a leader be both open and in command.

To help leaders get started with this, Li recommends evaluating where you stand on two important dimensions; Optimism versus Pessimism; and Individuality versus Collaboration. By assessing yourself in these two areas you can begin to understand your starting point on the journey to being a more open leader.

Optimism vs. Pessimism

The first dimension is optimism versus pessimism.  On this scale, Li asks leaders to evaluate their basic assumptions about people. In Li’s model, pessimistic leaders tend to see people as needing to be controlled because people can be harmful, negative, and untrustworthy with information. Optimists, on the other hand, believe that if given the opportunity, people will be positive and constructive, will do the right thing, and can be trusted with confidential information.

Key question: Where do you stand on this first important dimension?

Individually Focused vs. Collaboratively Focused

The second dimension is whether a leader is more individually or collaboratively focused. Individually focused leaders will believe in involving fewer, more knowledgeable people, and in relying on personal initiative—both in themselves and others. These leaders prefer to limit decision-making authority to people who have the knowledge and responsibility for that function in the organization. Collaborative leaders will believe more in the collective wisdom of the group, will tend to depend on others when times are tough, and will personally point to collaboration with others as a key reason for their own success.

Key question: Where would you put yourself on this continuum?

Changing your mindset

An open leadership strategy requires you and your organization’s leadership to be more open and collaborative. But transforming existing mindsets requires time, patience, and repeated small successes to build confidence. To help you get started, Li recommends four strategies: 

• Develop guidelines around the sharing of information. When you share information or push down decision-making, what are your expectations about what will be done with this power? What responsibilities do you want employees to take on? 
• Partner with others who are optimistic and collaborative. Seek out other leaders in your organization whom you regard as an optimistic and open leader. Sit down with this person understand his or her perspective and outlook on the world. What does this person do to ensure being in control while opening up? How does this person make openness work in your organization? 
• Examine your beliefs. As Li explains, “Your mindset is developed through crucial personal experiences, so talk with people who know you well on a personal level. Every person harbors some optimism, so turn to the people whom you trust to help you find that starting point where you will feel comfortable engaging with people.” 
• Start small and build.  Personal change is difficult and old habits die hard. You can’t simply announce, “From today forward I will be collaborative; I will be optimistic.”  It takes time to shift the mindset, and it happens only with repeated successes.

For leaders looking to be more open, Li recommends taking it one step at a time.  In doing so, you can build confidence in sharing information and collaborative decision-making with an ever widening circle of people.  To learn more about Charlene Li and her thoughts on open leadership, check out her book here, or visit www.charleneli.com.  You’ll find a host of great resources that can help you in your journey.

Most people have a need to connect with others—in all walks of their lives.  But creating connections at work can be difficult.  Everyone is so busy and focused on what needs to get done.

This is the time of year in most organizations when people are gathering to celebrate the end of the year, the upcoming holidays, and some time off.  This is a great opportunity to get to know someone a little better.  If you are like employees at most companies, you are soon going to find yourself with a piece of cake in your hand, standing next to a fellow co-worker wondering what to talk about.  Instead of seeing it as another challenging “small talk” situation, see it as an opportunity to strengthen a relationship and create a connection.

The best way to break the ice is to ask a question.  Here are a couple of suggestions to help you get started:

• Do things quiet down in your department this time of year—or is there a mad rush to get things done?
• Are you taking any time off this month?
• How’s your holiday shopping going?

Don’t be an interrogator, but keep the ball in their court.  Once they’ve responded to your initial question, ask a follow-up.  What was interesting about what they said?  What would you like to find out more about?

After they’ve shared for awhile, be sure to give them a break and share a little about your experience and plans.  A little bit of disclosure and a little bit of sharing can go a long way to help create the personal connection that just about all of us crave.

The holidays are a great time to connect.  Take advantage of this opportunity to create stronger work relationships.  It’s good for you and the organization.

You can’t blame managers for feeling some reluctance when it comes to having challenging conversations with peers and direct reports.  Most people feel some uneasiness when facing a necessary discussion they know has a lot of emotion attached to it.  A couple of resources posted by The Ken Blanchard Companies this month can help.  Depending on the level of knowledge and encouragement a manager might be looking for, each of these resources can play a part in helping to ease some of the anxiety, or provide a structure for moving forward.

Handle Challenging Conversations with Confidence–a short online article featuring the thinking of Eryn Kalish, mediator, conflict resolution expert, and co-author of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Challenging Conversations program.  Introduces five skills Kalish recommends as a way of feeling comfortable and being open to others’ feelings.

Challenging Conversations: Strategies for Turning Conflict into Creativity –a four page white paper that takes a look at common misconceptions about challenging conversations, six types of conflict, and why managers avoid emotionally charged situations.

Challenging Conversations: 5 Communication Skills for Transforming Conflict into Productivity–a free 60-minute webinar recording where Kalish shares a 5-step model that explains how to handle the most challenging, intense, and emotionally-charged types of conversations.

Whether the topic is delivering a difficult message, giving tough performance feedback, or confronting insensitive behavior, managers need to step into the “uncomfortableness” of each situation.  Check out these resources.  They can help.