Blanchard LeaderChat

What’s one of the biggest barriers to people working together effectively? “The human ego,” according to Dr. Ken Blanchard, best-selling business author and co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

As Blanchard explains, “When people get caught up in their ego, it erodes their effectiveness. That’s because the combination of false pride and self-doubt created by an overactive ego gives people a distorted image of their own importance. When that happens, people see themselves as the center of the universe and they begin to put their own agenda, safety, status, and gratification ahead of those affected by their thoughts and actions.”

That’s a deadly combination in today’s business environment where organizations need people to work together collaboratively.  If you think that ego might be taking up a seat on your team and holding back everyone’s effectiveness, here are three ways to recalibrate:

• Be a learner: The first way to recalibrate an overactive ego is by becoming a continual learner. Whether you’re a leader or an individual contributor, you need to be open to learn from other people and to listen to them. As Blanchard explains, “If people think they’ve got all the answers and don’t need any help, they’re not likely to be interested in collaborating.” That’s why having an attitude that you don’t have all the answers and you’re open to learning is so important. “None of us is as smart as all of us,” explains Blanchard. “This really means that one plus one is a lot bigger than two.”
• Be courageous in your selection of team members:  Seek out people who have skills and energy that are different—and preferably superior— to your own.   So often people are afraid to work with teammates who possess superior skills.  Resist the urge to be the smartest person in the room.
• Build a shared purpose: Finally, the third key to achieving healthy organizational collaboration and minimizing individual ego is to rally people around a shared vision—something bigger than themselves. When everyone shares a clear sense of purpose, process, and practice, it’s amazing what can be accomplished.

Don’t let egos get in the way of your team’s success. Your ability to overcome these self-serving tendencies will determine to a large degree your ability to work effectively with others toward a common goal.

Would you like to learn more about working together collaboratively and creating teams that work?  Here are a couple of additional resources:

Why Teams Fail—and What to Do About It (new article by Dr. Eunice Parisi-Carew in latest edition of Human Resource Executive Online)

Ken Blanchard on the Power of Collaboration (a free, one-hour, on-demand webinar recording featuring Ken Blanchard)

There is one aspect of a leader’s personality that is both their greatest asset and greatest potential liability at the same time.  And if it is not dealt with correctly, it has the ability to stop a promising career dead in its tracks.

That element of human personality is ego, and its power is seductive.

Early in a leader’s career, it helps a young executive seek new innovations, stay the course when others would quit, and push through to higher levels of excellence where others would settle for less.  But if a leader does not channel their ego properly it can also lead to a willful disregard of reality, a lack of self awareness, and an unquenchable need to be the best.

When that happens, the results can be disastrous. In their book Egonomics, authors David Marcum and Steven Smith point to Ohio State research that shows

• Over one third of all fatal business decisions are driven by ego.
• Nearly 2/3 of executives never explore alternatives once they make up their mind.
• 81% of managers push their decisions through by persuasion or edict, and not by the value of their idea.

So how can you draw on the benefits of ego while avoiding the pitfalls?  How do you find the combination of intense professional will and extreme personal humility that Jim Collins describes in his best-selling book, Good To Great?  For Collins, part of the solution includes

1. Self-reflection
2. Conscious personal development
3. Help from a mentor

Madeleine Homan Blanchard, cofounder of Coaching Services at The Ken Blanchard Companies agrees and recommends a similar course of action.  In a recorded webinar on Leaders: Avoid These Fatal Flaws, Homan-Blanchard recommends that leaders keep their ego in check through three strategies.

Name it and claim it—Without self awareness there can be no restraint or modulation. Know your least desirable traits and own up to them. Learn what triggers you and leads you to engage in your worst behaviors.

Get feedback and commit to development—Ask questions. Sit down with direct reports and find out what you could do to be a more effective boss. Listen carefully and say, “Thank you,” when they offer feedback. Take action on trouble spots.

Surround yourself with people who are smarter than you—Be courageous when hiring. Make sure you have colleagues and direct reports who think differently from you. Also make sure you have at least one colleague you can count on for an honest opinion and who serves as your “truth teller.”

You can watch Homan-Blanchard’s complete recording of Leaders: Avoid These Fatal Flaws here courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.  Also be sure to see this week’s live webinar being conducted by Scott Blanchard on Cultivating Employee Work Passion: The New Rules of Engagement

October 31 is Halloween Day in the United States, a time when people of all ages dress up as different characters—some heroic, some funny, some scary.  Along with the latest popular celebrities from movies, television, and popular culture, you’re sure to see some classic monster characters from the past. 

The only problem is that some of these characters don’t disappear on the day after Halloween.  Instead, they continue to haunt and torment people in workplaces everywhere.  See if you recognize some of these personalities working in your organization.  See anyone familiar?

• Frankenstein’s Monster: Functioning at a basic level. Has all of the pieces, but missing the emotional intelligence to function successfully in the work environment.
• Dracula the Vampire: Vain, self-absorbed, and elitist.  Operates in their own sub-culture, focused mostly on their own needs.   Uses people.  Sucks the life out of everyone around them.
• The Mummy: Mostly asleep. Spends most of their time unaware of what’s going on, but once you disturb them, or slight them in some way, watch out.
• Wicked Witch: Always plotting and concocting schemes.  Spends most of their time engaged in office politics and manipulating things behind the scenes.
• Werewolf: Generally destructive.  Given to emotional outbursts.  Unable to control urges. Often acts without thinking.

While these labels are seasonal, the behaviors behind them are not. If you report to one of these personality types it can be especially challenging.

If you are currently dealing with a personality like this in your work environment, authors Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster of Working With You Is Killing Me have a great four step “unhooking” process that can help you deal with monstrous behavior. Here’s their advice from an interview with Good Morning America:

Unhook physically: Release unwanted negative energy so that you can see your situation more clearly. For example, you come out of a business meeting feeling upset because your boss unfairly bashed you in front of your peers. You know you need to cool down. You look at your options. If you can grab a brisk five-minute walk outside, you go for it. If you can’t go outside, you go to the bathroom, splash your face with cold water, and BREATHE. When you’re in a distressed physical state, the last thing you want to do is calm down, but the fact is that if you want to change your life at work, you have to focus on relaxing physically first.

Unhook mentally: Unhooking mentally is the internal version of talking yourself down off the ledge. It involves looking at your difficult situation from a fresh perspective. Start with a quick inventory of the situation:

• What’s happening here?
• What are the facts of the situation?
• What’s their part?
• What’s my part?
• What are my options?

Unhook verbally: Verbal unhooking involves finding ways to say no without jeopardizing your job, speaking up when you feel overlooked, or tolerating your boss’s temporary silence immediately after you ask for a raise. To unhook verbally, you must be willing to focus on your overall goal in any situation rather than staying stuck in the petty details. It’s a high-road approach to communicating. The goal is to express your ideas and convey information in a manner that resolves problems rather than perpetuating them. High-road communication contains no judgment, no anger, and no accusations. It includes taking responsibility for your side of the situation.

 Unhook with a business tool: A business tool is any standard procedure or written document used in a business setting. It includes contracts, timesheets, job descriptions, memos, performance reviews, company policies and procedures, and other forms of documentation. Business tools help depersonalize challenging situations by providing objective ways to track events and measure performance. To unhook, survey the business tools available to you and identify which ones can help improve your situation.

Don’t let a boss’s bad behavior keep you from being productive at work. To learn more about the unhooking process, be sure to check out more information about  Working With You Is Killing Me here.

Although some features of a narcissistic personality may look like confidence or healthy self-esteem, it’s not the same. Narcissism crosses the border of healthy confidence and turns into a self absorption that puts your leadership at risk. 

Now, instead of a healthy confidence that is attractive to followers, you come across as “conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don’t receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry,” according to researchers at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.

How can you tell the difference?  Here are ten warning signs. While all of us could probably see something of ourselves in this list, identifying closely with more than five of these characteristics could signal an overactive ego and an at-risk leadership style.

10 Symptoms of Narcissism

1. Believing that you’re better than others.
2. Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness.
3. Exaggerating your achievements or talents.
4. Expecting constant praise and admiration.
5. Believing that you’re special and acting accordingly.
6. Failing to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings.
7. Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior.
8. Being jealous of others. Believing that others are jealous of you.
9. Setting unrealistic goals
10. Having a fragile self-esteem. Being easily hurt and rejected.

Regaining your balance

Is your ego on overdrive?  If that’s the case, here are some suggestions for keeping things in perspective.

Practice humility.  Mathew Hayward, author of Ego Check recommends that before you make any big decision, ask yourself three questions.  “Am I getting the right input into this decision?”  “Do I have someone whom I can trust to tell me when I’m wrong?” “Am I the very best person to be making this call?” 

Be curious. David Marcum and Steven Smith, authors of Egonomics encourage you to, “Give yourself permission to test what you think, feel, and believe to be true.  Remember that you aren’t expected to know everything about anything.”  They also recommend that you seek the truth. Find out what is really going on.  It helps close the gap between your perception and reality.

Practice self-compassion. Authors Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell of The Narcissism Epidemic remind you to be kind to yourself while accurately facing reality. Also, be mindful. Practice living in the present. It keeps the self from entering every experience in your life. Mindfulness quiets the self-absorbed voice in your head so you can see the world more clearly. Finally, acknowledge commonalities with others.  Research shows that when narcissistic personalities discover something in common with others, egotism dissipates.

Best-selling business author Ken Blanchard often tells his audiences that EGO stands for Edging Good Out.  Don’t let an overactive ego limit your effectiveness as a leader.  Keep things in perspective for best results.

References

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms from Mayo Clinic website

Ego Check by Mathew Hayward

Egonomics by David Marcum and Steven Smith

The Narcissism Epidemic by Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell

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“Do you want this job so you can serve—or so you can be served?”  Of course if you ask most people this question straight-up, the answer will always be “to serve” in the mind of the applicant, but a closer examination of what is behind the desire to serve is still really an opportunity to accomplish individual goals.  For example: 

• “I want to take this organization in a new direction.”
• “I want to be able to ask anyone on the street who is the number one service provider in our space and hear…”
• “I have a great idea on how to improve things.”

A serving leader, by contrast, will look to serve the goals that the organization wants to achieve. This is what Jim Collins referred to as “Level 5” leadership in his book Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap… and Others Don’t.  It is a combination of fierce resolve and will, combined with humility and a desire to serve the needs of the organization that delivers long term results.

For anyone involved in the evaluation and selection of leaders for their company, the challenge is to find people with that combination. 

We are just leaving the era of charismatic leadership.  We have all seen the effects of self-centered leadership.  It’s an effective entrepreneurial start-up strategy, but it can also create a rapid rise and fall cycle centered on the personality and drive of one person. 

Today we need a new leadership model—one that is focused on accomplishing the goals of the organization, as opposed to meeting the needs and aspirations of just the individual leader. The best leaders find and identify the strengths latent within people and organizations and lead them to a place that they couldn’t get to on their own.  In this way they truly serve.  And if they do it well, the people will say, “We did it ourselves.”

What attributes are you looking for in your new leaders?  To learn more about identifying leadership attitudes and beliefs check out these previous posts:

Are You a Serving, or a Self-Serving Leader?

Rebuilding Trust, Commitment, and Morale

Ego and the Dark Side of High Achievement

Are you driven to achieve?  Are you overly concerned with the opinions of others?  Ken Blanchard left a reminder on voice mail the other day that if your self-worth is dependent on your accomplishments plus the opinion of others you are in trouble, because that means your self-worth is up for grabs on a daily basis.

We all have bad days.  We are always going to rub some people the wrong way.  Should that really be the measure of our sense of well-being? 

If you are still answering yes, consider that those two viewpoints are consistent with two of the four warning signs that you might have an overactive ego that is holding you back in other areas.  In their wonderful 2007 book, Egonomics: What Makes Ego Our Greatest Asset (or Most Expensive Liability), authors David Marcum and Steven Smith identify the following warning signs that your ego may be out of balance. 

1. Constantly seeking acceptance—you find yourself becoming overly concerned with what other people think.
2. Feeling the need to constantly showcase your brilliance—you go beyond “tooting your own horn” to making your brilliance the center of attention. 
3. Being overly comparative—instead of being your own individual best, you find yourself focusing instead on just being better than someone else. 
4. Being overly defensive—instead of defending an idea, you find yourself making things personal.

One key point in the book is that an out of balance ego doesn’t feel dramatically different from an in-balance ego.  In fact, you might not even notice at first—even though other people will.  That’s because ego takes your strengths and subtly changes them into close counterfeits.  Now everything seems a little self-serving and things that people appreciated about you—like being able to come up with an alternative viewpoint, being able to objectively compare your point of view to someone else’s, brainstorm good ideas, and seek and welcome feedback—things that make you a good team member—are subtly changed. 

So how do the authors of Egonomics recommend rebalancing your ego?  Three ways:

1. Humility: Don’t think less of yourself—just think about yourself less.  Remember that too little ego is just as much out of balance as too much ego.
2. Curiosity: Ask, instead of tell. None of us is as smart as all of us.
3. Veracity: Find truth-tellers in your life.  People who will be straight with you and tell you what you need to hear.

Ego can be our greatest asset, or it can be our biggest liability. It’s all about keeping it in balance.

One of the biggest barriers to people working together effectively is the human ego. When people get caught up in their ego, it erodes their effectiveness. That’s because the combination of false pride and self-doubt created by an overactive ego gives people a distorted image of their own importance. When that happens, people see themselves as the center of the universe and they begin to put their own agenda, safety, status, and gratification ahead of those affected by their thoughts and actions. Read more…

In a recent blog post at Harvard Business Review’s The Conversation, best selling business author Bob Sutton generated a lot of discussion with a post entitled Some Bosses Live in a Fool’s Paradise.  Bob’s basic premise is that leaders become more susceptible to a distorted sense of reality the higher they climb in an organization.  Why? Three reasons according to Sutton. Read more…

Have you ever wondered how bright, successful leaders go from speeding along on the career fast track to suddenly crashing and burning?  Two recent books help identify some of the unknowing ways that leaders ultimately trip themselves up in their careers. 

In Know What You Don’t Know: How Great Leaders Prevent Problems Before They Happen author Michael Roberto, a professor of management at Bryant University and former faculty member at Harvard Business School, advises managers to be on the lookout for small problems that could potentially lead to disaster down the road. 

BNET blogger Stacy Blackman recently interviewed Roberto to find out the four issues leaders need to be on the lookout for. You can see what he recommends by reading Blackman’s post on Why Managers Don’t See Problems Until It’s Too Late 

Blanchard’s own Madeleine Blanchard, who heads up our Coaching Services division, recommends a second book called Why Smart Executives Fail: and What You Can Learn from Their Mistakes by Sydney Finklestein.   Madeleine has been recommending this book to leaders because it does a good job illustrating how admirable leadership qualities can be a double edged sword. As Madeleine writes in her blog post, “Confidence and willingness to take risks is a hair’s breadth from arrogance. Will you know when you’ve crossed the line?”  

You can see what Finklestein identifies as the seven key mistakes—along with Madeleine’s commentary—by reading her post, What Not to Do

The unfortunate and sad news of recent extra-marital affairs in politics once again highlights the damage that can be done when a person in a significant position of leadership suffers a moral or ethical failure. The extent of the collateral damage of these actions remain to be seen, but this much is obvious – people can severely, if not irreparably, damage the trust and respect of those closest to them: spouse, children, staff, colleagues, and constituents. Can this trust and respect be restored? Yes it can, given the right amount of time and the willingness of people to humbly submit to the requirements they will face in rebuilding the bonds that have been broken. If anything, this incident should remind everyone in a leadership position how easy it is to suffer a fall from grace.

How do we protect ourselves from such failures? It’s a complex issue that is influenced by a person’s spiritual, mental, and emotional makeup, but we can ask ourselves a few simple questions that will help us to evaluate the impact of our decisions. Is it legal? Will this decision break any civil laws or company policies? Is it balanced and fair? Will this decision or action promote win-win relationships for those involved and is it fair to everyone in both the short-term and long-term? How will it make me feel about myself? If this decision or action was published on the home page of CNN, would I be proud? What would those closest to me think about it? Of course these simple questions won’t completely resolve all the moral and ethical dilemmas we face, but it certainly can put us on the right track.