Blanchard LeaderChat

It’s easy for leaders to fall into the trap of thinking they need to have the answer to every problem or situation that arises. After all, that’s in a leader’s job description, right? Solve problems, make decisions, have answers…that’s what we do! Why listen to others when you already know everything?

Good leaders know they don’t have all the answers. They spend time listening to the ideas, feedback, and thoughts of their people, and they incorporate that information into the decisions and plans they make. When a person feels listened to, it builds trust, loyalty, and commitment in the relationship. Here are some tips for building trust by improving the way you listen:

• Don’t interrupt – It’s rude and disrespectful to the person you’re speaking with and it conveys the attitude, whether you mean it or not, that what you have to say is more important than what he or she is saying.
• Make sure you understand – Ask clarifying questions and paraphrase to ensure that you understand what the person is trying to communicate. Generous and empathetic listening is a key part of Habit #5 - Seek first to understand, then to be understood – of Covey’s famous Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
• Learn each person’s story - The successes, failures, joys, and sorrows that we experience in life weave together to form our “story.” Our story influences the way we relate to others, and when a leader takes time to understand the stories of his followers, he has a much better perspective and understanding of  their motivations. Chick-fil-a uses an excellent video in their training programs that serves as a powerful reminder of this truth.
• Stay in the moment – It’s easy to be distracted in conversations. You’re thinking about the next meeting you have to run to, the pressing deadline you’re up against, or even what you need to pick up at the grocery store on the way home from work! Important things all, but they distract you from truly being present and fully invested in the conversation. Take notes and practice active listening to stay engaged.

My grandpa was fond of saying “The Lord gave you two ears and one mouth. Use them in that proportion.” Leaders can take a step forward in building trust with those they lead by speaking less and listening more. You might be surprised at what you learn!

This is one in a series of LeaderChat articles on the topic of trust by Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. For more insights on trust, visit the Leading with Trust blog or follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley.

We’ve all been there.  A team member’s performance is slipping and needs to be addressed.  Before you set up a meeting to discuss the situation, here are a couple of questions to ask yourself:

1. How clear were you with expectations?  Don’t expect an accountability conversation to go well if there is any fuzziness about what the goals were.  If you have concerns, use the time to re-clarify expectations.
2. How is your relationship with the team member?  The right to be candid with a person about their performance is the byproduct of a strong working relationship featuring frequent conversations.  If your relationship has been more of a “no news is good news” relationship in the past, shore that up first.

If you are feeling good about where you stand with these first two questions, congratulations—this meeting should go well.  (I’m also guessing that your good work in these first two areas means you don’t have to have many of these types of conversations in the first place!) 

Now, there are just a few more finer points to consider when delivering potentially sensitive feedback.

• Only give feedback on behaviors that can be changed (not on traits or personality).  Feedback works best when it is focused on behaviors instead of personality traits.  You shouldn’t be asking your people to make personality changes like,  ”be more extroverted, or more feeling, or less linear in your thinking.”  Instead, focus on the things you see someone doing, or the things you hear someone saying. 
• Remember that people are okay—it’s just their behavior that is a problem sometimes. As a manager you need to separate the behavior from the person.  Don’t be judgmental.  Keep the focus on the behavior that needs to change. Say what needs to be said and let it sink in.  Then reaffirm the person and move on with expectations that behavior will change and that the person is up to the challenge.
• Help employees monitor their own behavior going forward.   Whenever possible, you want people to learn how to monitor their own behavior.  Teach them how to solicit feedback and be “participant observers” in their interactions with others.  Your goal is to help employees become self sufficient. You don’t want to create a dependent relationship where they are constantly looking for you to tell them how they are doing.

Providing feedback is one of the key ways that managers can improve performance and make things better at work. Don’t avoid feedback—even negative feedback. Done well, it will actually enhance your relationships at work. People will know you care and that their work is important.

PS: If you’d like to learn more about the finer points of delivering effective feedback, be sure to join The Ken Blanchard Companies for a free webinar on October 19.  That’s when senior consulting partner Phil Reynolds will be speaking on How to Deliver Feedback in a Way that Gets Results.  (Over 2,000 people are registered!) Click here for details.

Managers have good intentions when it comes to delivering feedback to employees, but the reality is that most of them aren’t very good at it. In a new article for The Ken Blanchard Companies Ignite newsletter, senior consulting partner Phil Reynolds identifies a lack of clear expectations upfront—and a subsequent emotional response down the road—as the way most managers get off-track.

As Reynolds explains, “Leaders often think that people should know something through their own devices and so they don’t give them feedback, or clear expectations, or redirection toward the target that they (the leader) are looking for.” These managers are often surprised later when they find out that their people aren’t doing what they’re supposed to be doing.

By avoiding the situation and not addressing it early, managers will tend to create a lot of emotion around the issue when they finally deal with it. At that point, the tendency is to come down hard, and say things like, “You’re doing this wrong; fix it!”  Once that happens, resistance goes up.

With newer managers, Reynolds will often see behavior swing to the other side of the scale. Now the emotion centers on the relationship and how the feedback may damage it. As he explains, “Younger managers want to project a positive image and have people like them. When feedback gets tied up with emotion, these younger leaders find it difficult to give corrective feedback or to hold people accountable.”

Advice for Senior Leaders

For senior leaders recognizing these symptoms in their organizations, Reynolds recommends a 3-step approach:

• Take a look at your organization’s culture. Culture drives organizational behavior more than anything else. Make feedback a priority, recognize people who are good at feedback, and let people know that feedback is something that is valued and encouraged.
• Provide training. People can only do what they know how to do. It’s unreasonable to ask people to do something at which they don’t have the training or skill set to be effective.
• Model what effective feedback looks like. Demonstrate what positive and redirecting feedback looks like for the people reporting to you.

Read more about Reynolds’ advice for improving feedback in your organization here.  Also be sure to see the information about a free webinar Reynolds will be conducting on October 19, How to Deliver Feedback in a Way That Gets Results.  It’s a complimentary event, courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.

Whether you’re delivering a difficult message, giving tough performance feedback, or confronting insensitive behavior, handling a challenging conversation can strike fear and trepidation in the heart of a leader. If handled with skill and care, these situations are prime opportunities for leaders to build trust with those they lead.

The SPEAK model is a helpful tool to navigate challenging conversations.

S – State your concerns directly. Speak in private and face-to-face whenever possible and use “I” language to voice your concerns, thoughts, and feelings about the situation. A common myth about handling challenging conversations is that you should be objective and only stick to the facts. While you certainly want to be factual, you also need to share your feelings, without blame, so the other party understands the impact of the situation. Don’t make sarcastic or belittling remarks and be sure to share the consequences if the issue isn’t resolved. How it sounds: “Since we missed our deadline, I’m concerned that we may not meet our project goals.”

P – Probe for information to gain deeper understanding. Talk with an open and interested tone of voice and use open-ended questions to probe for more information to help you understand behavior that may seem incomprehensible. Pause long enough to give the person time to respond and listen with the intent to understand and be influenced by her point of view. How it sounds: “I’m confused about why we missed the deadline. Can you tell me more about what you thought our agreements were?”

E – Engage each other through whole-hearted listening. Be mentally present and intentional about listening. When people feel fully heard, they are more open to creative solutions, alternatives can be explored, wounds healed, and defensiveness lowered. Paraphrase to make sure you’ve heard and understood correctly and be sure to reflect the person’s feelings and values. How it sounds: “So you are saying that when I spoke with you about your performance that I was not clear about your goals and responsibilities?”

A – Attend to body language. Make sure that your body language matches your words. Sometimes leaders force themselves to be too relaxed when the situation is actually quite serious and that sends confusing signals to the other person. Pay attention to the other person’s body language and challenge inconsistent verbal and non-verbal messages with “I” statements. How it sounds: “I’m confused. I hear you saying that you think we don’t have a problem, yet I notice you sitting in a way that I’m interpreting as being angry.”

K – Keep forward-focused when possible. Once past issues have been addressed and the air cleared, focus the conversation on what each of you are going to do moving forward. Ask directly if the other person is ready to move forward, and if she isn’t, return to step E to explore any other issues or concerns that may be unresolved. How it sounds: “From my perspective, we have cleared up past misunderstandings. I am ready to move forward if you are. Is there anything on your end that we have not addressed yet?”

Working through difficult situations is an opportunity for leaders to build trust. It’s during these times that followers can feel most vulnerable to leaders because of the disparity of power in the relationship. Leaders who use their power in the service of others by demonstrating care and concern in handling challenging conversations will increase engagement, commitment, and trust with those they lead.

This is one in a series of LeaderChat articles on the topic of trust by Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. For more insights on trust, visit the Leading with Trust blog or follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley.

Over the past 30 years, renowned marriage counselor John Gottman has been able to predict with 90% accuracy which newlyweds he works with will stay married versus getting divorced after watching just 15 minutes of their interactions on videotape. 

The key factor that Gottman looks for is the ratio of positive to negative reinforcement that couples give to each other.  When the ratio is 5 to 1 positive, the couples report the overall relationship as positive.  Anything less than 4 to 1 and the relationship is perceived as negative. 

Why does it have to be slanted so heavily in the positive direction?  The answer is emotion.  The emotional response surrounding each praising or criticism amplifies its impact.  For most people, criticism is stinging and leaves a far larger emotional footprint than positive praising. 

Leaders can promote healthy relationships with the people who report to them by praising and reprimanding effectively.  Here are three tips.

1. Be timely. Nobody likes to deliver negative feedback.  But some managers have trouble delivering positive praising also.  Uncomfortable with the whole situation, these managers believe that by not communicating, at least they are doing no harm.  But the reality is that “not communicating” is sending a message.  If your boss never communicated with you about your work, how would it make you feel?  What message would it send to you?  People want to matter and they want to be noticed.  As a manager, it is your job to make sure that you are paying attention to your people.
2. Be specific. Feedback is best when it is specific.  A general praising of, “You’re doing a great job!” is nice, but a more specific praising of, “The way you ran that meeting today was fantastic.  You really did a good job of having all of the background information ready and also redirecting the discussion when it was getting off track,” is better.  When it comes to negative feedback, it is even more important to be specific.  Consider how damaging a comment like, “You really don’t seem to understand how we do things around here,” is.  Instead be more specific.  Say, “We have a very specific process for approving email that needs to be followed.  Anytime something new is created, please make sure I see it first and have a chance to review it before sending it out.”  This turns criticism into redirection—which is what you’re looking for.  Even though it will still hurt, you want to keep the focus on the behavior that needs to change.  If you don’t, the recipient will only remember how you made them feel and the necessary change will be an afterthought. 
3. Be aware of your emotional impact. Remember that negative feedback is serious business and carries five times the emotional weight as positive feedback.  Anytime that you find yourself having to deliver a reprimand, make sure that you follow it up with a reaffirmation of the person and their abilities.  This doesn’t mean that you backtrack or soften the reality of what needs to change, it just means a reconfirmation of your faith in the direct report to do better and your belief that they can change. 

By mastering the art of positive and negative feedback, managers can strengthen their relationships with direct reports.  Keep in mind both the quantity and the quality of the messages you deliver.  It’s an important skill that will keep people engaged and performing at their best.

It’s harder than ever to avoid becoming a “seagull manager” these days.  That’s when you fly in, make a lot of noise, dump on everyone, and then fly away again.  It’s a hit-and-run management behavior that’s easy to fall into when you find yourself with too much on your plate and too little time to accomplish it. 

How are you doing with the double challenge of accomplishing your own work while still managing the work performance of others?  If you’re afraid you’re seeing a little seagull behavior in yourself lately, here are three ways to get back on track with a more helpful approach:

1. Make sure you know what your people are working on.  Manager’s shouldn’t be surprised at what their people are working on but this often happens because goals are unclear, or are not in alignment with overall department objectives.  Make sure that everyone in your group has a clear set of 3-5 objectives and that they are mapped to a specific organizational objective.
2. Identify everyone’s development level for their specific tasks. A good group of goals will include tasks that are familiar and routine to an employee plus one or two stretch goals that will require some growth on their part. Review each of your direct report’s goals.  Which tasks can they easily accomplish on their own—and which tasks will they need help with?  Their development level on each task will determine the proper amount of input you’ll need to provide.
3. Schedule regular meeting time.  A weekly check-in for 20-30 minutes can do wonders for putting out all of the small daily brush fires that occur before they turn into raging infernos.  A little bit of structured time to review how your people are doing in each of their key areas is a great way to get started.   Don’t turn this into a weekly evaluation though.  Let the employee guide the conversation.  The idea here is to create a safe space for employee’s to ask for help when needed.

Even when people work together in the same building, it is still surprising to see how little conversation can occur between managers and their direct reports.  With today’s increased workload, it is often easier to keep your head down and your door closed.  Don’t let that happen to you and your people.  Schedule some time to meet with your direct reports on a regular basis.  It can save a lot of screeching and wing-flapping later on.

How many of you get too much praising at work?  That’s a question that Ken Blanchard has been asking audiences for years.  When he does, almost no one ever raises their hands.  No one ever says, “I get so much praising at work, I wish they would just stop already.”  The reality is that most people will tell you that the only time they ever get any feedback on their work is when something goes wrong.  For the vast majority of people, work is a place where “no news is good news.”

That might make for an even-keel, consistent atmosphere, but that is never going to create the type of engagement and passion that so many workers are looking for today.

Why don’t more managers praise people for good work when they see it?  Here are a couple of common responses.

• “That’s what they should be doing.” 
• “They’ll expect more money if I do.”
• “I’ll say something next time I get a chance.”

That’s a lazy and short-sighted point of view.  What if your boss felt this way?  What if your boss noticed your good work and didn’t say anything because of these reasons?  How would that make you feel?  You’d probably feel unappreciated, focus only on the money, and put it on autopilot until performance review time.

Don’t let that happen in your work environment.  If you’re a little rusty with showing your appreciation, here are four tips for delivering the perfect praising.

1. Make it timely.  Praisings are most effective when they are delivered as close to real time as powerful.  Take advantage of the spontaneity and excitement of the moment.
2. Make it from the heart. Don’t over-think the praising.  Share what you are feeling. 
3. Give specific examples.  A general comment like, “You’re really doing good work,” is nice, but a comment like “That report you gave this morning was perfect, it clearly outlined our next steps, and did you see the way that the other executives responded? You really helped us to move this project forward with your work,” is better.
4. Don’t ask for more. A praising should never be used as leverage for additional good work out of an employee.  Keep it a simple expression of appreciation.

Everyone enjoys being recognized—especially from someone they look up to and respect.  Don’t be stingy with your praise.  Catch someone doing something right today.  You’ll be surprised at the difference in makes in their life—and yours.

As leaders, sometimes we blow it.  Sometimes we break trust by exhibiting poor judgment or poor behavior. Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies calls those occurrences “trustbusters.”

Minding your A,B,C, and D’s—Ability, Believability, Connectedness, and Dependability

Trustbusters are behaviors that erode trust among direct reports and colleagues.  Some common examples are when we don’t demonstrate expertise in our jobs, and don’t achieve results which causes people to lose faith in our Ability. 

We also “bust trust” when we break confidences, tell lies of convenience, or gossip about others.  This impacts our Believability. 

Another trustbuster is when we don’t listen. It’s hard sometimes to pay attention when we’re in conversation with people. Your mind starts to wander, or you find yourself thinking about the next meeting.  When we don’t listen, or show interest in others, or recognize others, that erodes trust by eroding our Connection with people.

Finally, as leaders we sometimes bust trust when we don’t follow through on commitments by being disorganized or unreliable which undermines people’s perception of our Dependability.

 How can you go about rebuilding broken trust?

There are five key things that we can do to rebuild trust, says Conley. Conley calls them the 5 “A’s.”

1. “The first thing is that we need to Acknowledge that there’s been a breach of trust,” says Conley.  “It’s like they say in a twelve-step program, the first thing you have to do is acknowledge that you have a problem. You’ve got to acknowledge the situation exists.
2. “Second you have to Admit your part in the breach of trust. You have to own up to whatever you did that caused that loss of trust with that individual.”
3. “Third you have to Apologize for it—and if I were to add another key, I would say that you also have to make amends, so apologize and make amends for whatever you did to break the trust.”
4. “Fourth you have to Assess. And that means using the ABCD model to assess what you did and what were the core elements of trust that you broke and what can you do centered around those behaviors to help rebuild trust?”
5. “And then finally, you have to Agree on an action plan with the person that you broke trust with. You have to agree on what you’re going to do differently moving forward to help rebuild trust.”

Trust is a very delicate thing that takes a significant amount of time to build and can be broken in just an instant. But it is possible to repair and rebuild trust. But you have to address it immediately.  Don’t let a mistake in judgment turn into an indictment of character. 

Conley likes to quote a Chinese proverb to help leaders understand trust and timing.  The proverb says that, “The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today.”  Don’t let trust issues fester in your organization or in your relationships.  Address them today.

To learn more about Conley’s thoughts on improving trust—including the one behavior that all leaders can address immediately—read The Leader’s Role in Building Trust. 

Or listen to a recording of a free webinar that Conley conducted on June 15, Four Leadership Behaviors that Build or Destroy Trust.  (Over 800 people attended this free webinar courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies and Cisco WebEx.)

As you look back over your work career, who is the supervisor, manager, or leader that you would identify as your best boss?  And more importantly, what was it about them that made them great in your eyes?  Take a minute now to identify that person.  We’ll use your experience to identify something that will help you in your own personal leadership journey.

Once you’ve got your best boss in mind, take another minute to identify what it was about him or her that made them special and memorable for you.  Chances are that you will identify a couple of traits similar to these that other people have identified when we’ve asked this question.

“_____________________ was/is my best boss because he/she …

• Believed in me
• Trusted me
• Gave me an opportunity to grow
• Took me under their wing
• Made work fun
• Treated me fairly
• Went to bat for me
• Stuck their neck out for me

Was your boss’s trait one of these—or something different?  While each of us will identify different specific traits that our best boss has, there is probably a word that includes any that you might have come up with.  All of us, no matter what our experience, could probably say that our best boss was so special in our eyes because they truly CARED about us.

I know that this is true in my own case. My best boss was Margie Blanchard, the cofounder of our company who I reported to from 2000 to 2003.  The traits that made Margie so special in my eyes included that she

• Connected with me
• Acknowledged me
• Respected me
• Expected more from me

Now I know that acronyms can be overdone at times—especially in the consulting business, but I couldn’t help but notice that the first letter of those traits spells CARE. 

Magic? I don’t think so, just a great reminder of a key ingredient to being a great boss.  Though it will be displayed in many forms, at its core, one of the key traits of our best bosses is that they cared about us.

A Fun Exercise and Way to Celebrate

So let’s have some fun with this and tap into our collective brilliance.  I’m a big believer in “catching people doing things right” and that “none of us is as smart as all of us.” Let’s put both of those ideas to work today with a little exercise.

Help me expand on this CARE acronym by adding your boss’s trait into the mix.  As the cheerleaders say, “Give me a C, Give me an A, Give me an R, Give me an E!”  Just use the COMMENTS button above to type in a trait of your best boss that goes with one of these letters.  (For extra credit, take a minute to identify and say thanks to that best boss while you’re here.) I promise you’ll feel good and get off to a good start this week if you do.

Who knows, together we might create one of the truly great leadership acronyms (rivaling SMART goals even!)

And even if we don’t, we will still have a great reminder of this one important trait that we can carry with us today as we work with our colleagues and direct reports.

Boss watching is a fact of life in many organizations. Frontline employees are more concerned with keeping the boss happy than they are with keeping the customer happy. Leaders can help employees focus in the right direction by taking the mystery out of what people can expect from them as a leader.

Employees are always concerned about how their boss will react when he or she finds out about a situation. This uncertainty keeps people unwilling to step out of tightly defined roles for fear that they will do something wrong. People shouldn’t have to guess how their leader would respond. Leaders can improve the situation—and open up a little playing room for employees—by clearly sharing their expectations.

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